It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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