Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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