I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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