well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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