Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
