I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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