she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
