Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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