so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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