ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize