you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
