The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
