positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
