My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So much rum. So many feels.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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