Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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