the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
