I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
