____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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