So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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