Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
