my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
