im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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