There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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