But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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