Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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