Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Randomize
