We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
