guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize