I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
