"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
