well I can't set my house on fire every night
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
This is classic penis vs brain.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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