I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
