Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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