they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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