Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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