The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
