So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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