Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
