dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
