My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
