She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
