Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
