After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
