Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
