Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
