16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
