shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
