If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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