ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
