I think my fart just growled at me.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
