i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize