hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
