I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
