At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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