woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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