seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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