You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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