I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
