I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
