Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
