the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
