i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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