he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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