He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
