Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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