I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
