Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
