that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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