I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
